i've got faith in the bank, and money in my heart

it's true. lately all i worry about is money money money, are we going to have enough to take care of this and that, and how much would it cost for me to get this or do that. its sad. really. i never wanted to be that way, i wanted to always be at a place where i said, none of it matters because i have faith that God is going to take care of it. when i was listening to this song this morning (love a little d.webb) it brought me back to something i saw on t.v. the other day. a little boy who had to have brain surgery, he was 7 years old, and when the reporters asked him if he was scared he replied, "at first i was really scared and then i remembered that God was with me and now i'm not scared anymore." he said it just like that with a smile on his face. no more questions, no more comments. just as sure as ever. i had to sit with this a few minutes and let it really sink in, because it is one of those things that i would usually say, awww thats awesome that he believes at such a young age! and then i would move on to the next channel and not think about it again. but the reality of what he said needed to be heard. how incredible that a 7 year old boy can have the capacity to understand things that i can't. yeah it would be easy to say that if i were in his situation i would feel the same way, but honestly no matter what anyone could tell me i'm pretty sure i would be scared to death either way. he knew and believed without a doubt that if God was with him he had no reason to be scared. none. no matter what happened. now i can say that yes i believe this, i believe that if God is with me then i have nothing to fear, bc that is what he tells me, but do i really live it. no. i try to control everything, bc it feels safer if i'm in control. how sad really. i'm so small minded. i wish i had faith like that little boy. no hesitations, just believe it and live it. and know without a shadow of a doubt. i feel like i was there at one time. i trusted with everything i had. faith like a child. that's what he calls us to have. faith like that 7 year old. shocking, raw, relentless, radical faith with no fear. i want to be that. i pray that i can be that. with a God as big as i have to serve, how could i not be that. i want a broken heart.

"I want a broken heart" - derek webb

I’ve got faith in the bank and money in my heart
i’ve got a calloused place where your ring used to be, my love

i’ve traded naked and unashamed
for a better place to hide
for a righteous mask, a suit of fig leaves and lies


i thought the cattle on a thousand hills
was not enough to pay my bills
and i fell in love with those who proved me wrong
and now i want a broken heart

now there’s a great pad lock
on the place where i was free
and i’m feeling bad from swallowing that key

now i work real hard but i mostly call in sick
of a broken back from the ground fighting back at me


i cannot look you in the eye
so i check the knots on my disguise
‘cause i fell in love with fashion in the dark
and now i want a broken heart


i’ve got alibis for every crime
a substitute to do my time
‘cause Your heart breaks enough on both our parts
so now i want a broken heart
now i want a broken heart
now i want a broken heart